Fintona Family Outfoxed Planning Officers And Built Castle
Furious Fintona officials are frantically foraging through a forest of forms to see if they can knock down a castle built under their noses in the outskirts of the village. The discovery was made when the local postman, who had been delivering bills to 1 Castle Lane since 2008, consumed ‘several pints of the hard stuff’ and was overheard by a government official talking about ‘the bastard of a dog’ at Mangan’s castle. An immediate investigation discovered a fortified building with 30-foot wide moat surrounding all sides which had been hidden from the road by a tower of bales.
Fintona Planning Chief Officer Mary Mopper told us:
“To be honest, we’re a bit red-faced about this. How they managed to build at 200-foot high castle with a tower-bridge and dungeon under the tower is beyond us. On one level it’s a remarkable achievement. On another, we’ll crush it. They’ll be back in a caravan by Christmas.”
The owner, self-styled Lord Horace Mangan, believes he has nothing to fear.
“The law states that they cannot do anything about it if they’ve not known about it for at least three years. They deserve it, the stupid bastards. We’ve managed to hire 40 butlers, 20 slaves and 3 jesters, all from the area, as well as imprisoning a few local bucks in the dungeon who were making too much noise in the Main Street at night. Sure half of Fintona were drinking in the Castle Tavern. We even fired a canon ball one night.”
The Planning Officers are planning to lay siege to the castle at the weekend but rumours persist that an army of 300 Fintonians are prepared for battle from the fighting platforms and projecting towers.