Not much happening

The much-anticipated ‘Nostalgia Night’ organised by the newly founded Stewartstown Historical Society ended early last night as not many could remember much that had happened in the area. The reason for the mass loss of memory is still under investigation with possible theories to be assessed such as some kind of lignite poisoning, too much drink taken over the years or the possibility that nothing has actually happened. The meeting, which started at 8pm and was attended by at least 1000 residents, ended at 8:30pm with a rendition of Faith Of Our Fathers and a goodie bag (pencil, tracing paper and a fudge) for all attendees. Chief organiser, Gerry Fee, was at a loss to explain the early finish:

“To be honest, I thought we’d be yarning away long into the early hours of this morning with tales of daring deeds and humorous turn of events. It wasn’t until the introductory speech had finished and the floor was opened up to the public that the horrible truth was clearly evident. Nobody could remember anything that had happened. After ten minutes, one woman did put her hand up and thought the football team reached an All-Ireland final a few years ago and says she vaguely recalls Fergal Logan in a jersey. She was quickly ridiculed by the others who said it was a foolish thing to claim and that Stewartstown have never nearly won anything. I put All-Ireland final with a question mark on the massive ‘White Board Of Memories’ just to take the bad look off it.”

Events appeared to take a turn for the better when another elderly man says he clearly remembers Dennis Taylor coming home in a van to parade a cup he won in England in the early 80s. A cheer went up at this recollection until it was pointed out that this probably happened in Coalisland as he was born down there. The Historical Society have asked people to email them with any memories they finally recall so they can put something on the whiteboard.