BY SHENGAS MCGLUMPHIE

Rioters ran amok in Greencastle last night following the publication of a controversial book challenging the existence of fairies.

Gerard Fox from Coalisland published ‘The Fairy Delusion’ last week to critical acclaim in the literary capital of Omagh, but closer to home locals have been less than welcoming.

Local Greencastle man Hugh McElvogue was particularly scathing about the book.

“Shhh. Keep the voice down”, he whispered furiously. “Them ones at the bottom of the garden might be listening”. He went on, “Once we got someone in the parish to explain all the big words in the book a lot of people went off the bap. This is blasphemous. He can’t go saying fairies don’t exist when the bible says they do. It does, doesn’t it? Or am I getting mixed up with elves?”

The book goes on to make further allegations regarding the existence or otherwise of other creatures. The author asserts that sprites don’t exist although mermaids do, gnomes don’t, unicorns do, ogres do, trolls don’t, and remains uncertain about midgets.

 “It’s not been easy the past few days”, admitted Fox. “All people are doing is focusing on the fairies bit of the book. Like, I definitely don’t believe in fairies although to be honest I can’t really explain how the tooth fairy works. That’s a hard one. That’s why I’ve argued in the book about not cutting down fairy trees, but maybe just giving them a wee trim and then running away, or maybe blaming the neighbours. You can’t be too careful”.

The author was keen to discuss other material in the book.

Figment of the imagination?

“Them ones in Greencastle need to wise up. They’re even going on about the comment that Hugo Duncan is a myth and everyone’s known that for years. Even the ones in Clogher. Same goes for Daniel O’Donnell. He was invented by parents as a threat to children that they’d put his music on if they didn’t get to bed”.

Violence in Greencastle escalated after someone misquoted the book as saying that Santa was an ‘evil old arsehole’ and should be renounced by everyone, especially children. It transpired that the book was actually making a reference to Satan.