Get Off My Land

Following on from the success of crime dramas such as The Sopranos, The Wire, The Fall, Breaking Bad and Love/Hate, a group of Tyrone acting enthusiasts have put together a script for a hard-hitting TV series set in Greencastle regarding the murky world of turf smuggling and the gang wars associated with it. Titled “Get Off My Land”, a gang of seven 20-somethings terrorize mid-Ulster by smuggling cheaper turf in from Derrylaughan and Carrickmore which burns longer than the local stuff. They are opposed by local bog men and things quickly spiral out of control with drive-by shootings and all sorts of carry-on.

Tyrone Tribulations managed to catch a glimpse of the script. Bad words have been hidden by asterisks and other buttons on the keyboard that aren’t used much:

Red Paddy: Where’s me f*&king money ye gope?
Jim: I don’t have it Red Pat. But I swear. I’ll have it next week. I just need two sods to do us this weekend
Red Paddy: I’ll blow yer f**kin head off ye clampit. Give me my five pounds.
Jim: Please, Red Pat. The wife’s giving me tara abuse about being foundered
Red Paddy: (lifts gun and shoots Jim in the foot) Take that ye f%%kin balax. Get off my land. (applause)

Declan Devlin who plays Red Paddy reckons this show will really put Tyrone on the international map:

“It’s a deadly show. We’re driving around in oul Toyota Corollas, terrifying the whole of Greencastle and beyond. You get to see lovely parts of the country like the Crockanboy Road and Mullydoo, albeit with bits of brains and dead bodies scattered all over the place. It’s a very realistic setting.”

A BBC spokesman has poured cold water on the initial excitment by admitting that it’s highly unlikely to make it onto the TV schedule:

“It’s just not all that believable. One of the episodes is called ‘A Fierce Charge of Drink’ where the main cast just sit all day in Eddies drinking Guinness and debating about ‘headin to Clones in the morning’. Then a group of girls from KIldress come in at about 11pm and they just start slagging each other about ‘tackling the one that looks like a cabbage’. I can’t see it being a big hit in London or New York to be honest.”