McAliskey’s garden

It emerged last night that 40 year old Strabane woman Dearbhla McAliskey has returned to her front door after spending nine days wandering aimlessly around her overgrown garden on the Derry Road. McAliskey, a well known folk singer and match-goer, blamed her husband for over-doing it with the miracle-grow he used on the Fuchsias, Rhododendrons and Allium hollandicums. 

Concerns about McAliskey’s absence were raised after she remained somewhere in the garden for three days consecutively, according to her husband and horticulturalist Benny McAliskey (41):

“It was not unknown for Dearbhla to spend up to 48 hours in the garden at any given time, usually returning when the hunger set in or for a bowel movement. It had grown up rightly this year because of the fertilizing stuff I bought at Clady market so I had a fair idea she might run into difficulty. Looking back, I would have done things differently. I should have shouted her name or something instead of waiting on the porch smoking my pipe and listening to RTE Lyric FM.”

Mrs McAliskey, who ironically recently penned a song about a couple who were also lost in a forest of rhododendrons, claims she survived the nine-day ordeal by eating mushrooms that magically grew on a regular basis every day:

“Only for them there mushrooms I don’t know what I’d have done. Maybe I’d have tried harder, as eating them things made me a bit lazy and stuff. It was a mental time. There’d be moments when I’d be deadly euphoric and then out of the blue I’d be chased by a purple dragon that talked in a Carrickmore accent, ridden by Dana. It’s hard to say what the hell went on since last Thursday.”

At the time of publication, Dearbhla has gone missing again in the garden. Mr McAliskey has pledged to shout her name if she surpasses the previous record.