A well-known local joiner and inventor from Derrylaughan has been discovered trying out self-make rocket gutties four days before his 10k Washingbay Green Run race. 

Alonso McCann, whose previous times in the same race are now under review, was spotted moving ‘at the speed of light’ down one of the aisles in Falls’ shop, nearly knocking over a baked beans display as his prototype malfunctioned and burst into flames, causing a minor fire hazard.

McCann, who admitted he was tempted to enter the half-marathon despite his footwear ‘not having enough juice to last 8 miles’, has pleaded for forgiveness and maintains his previous runs in the race were legitimate.

“Let’s be honest. They’re all at it. Myself and Lance Armstrong were caught but thousands aren’t. I’m just unlucky. A packet of Tuc biscuits sticking out down that aisle knocked on my turbo. I was lucky that elderly woman wasn’t standing there a couple of seconds earlier.”

Organisers have hired extra stewards this Saturday to look out for other runners using wheels or blades in what has become the most popular running event in the northern hemisphere in recent years.

Meanwhile Falls’ shop continue to offer fantastic deals on baked beans.