Five Carrickmore labourers have sent London a contract detailing their plans to build a cheap but effective border down the Irish Sea, after Boris Johnson’s announcement today. 

The plans, which they reckon will be completed soon after Christmas or at least early in the New Year, details how they’ll work weekends and all and use bricks suitable for wet conditions with large gates for boats to go through, having tested them in Lough Neagh yesterday.

Gus Gormley (44) added:

“We are some of the hardest working brickies in the world. Last week, we build a wall 500 yards long and 1 metre high in five days and that included 3 tea breaks before 11am every morning. We’re deadly. We’ll build that border in at least 12 weeks no bother and have a bit of craic in the Isle of Man.”

London have yet to reply to the email but it has been said they face stiff competition for the job from a group of brickies in Aghyaran.

Meanwhile, 45 birds were spotted flying like mad around Stewartstown today, some of them squawking like idiots.  Experts maintain it’s nothing to worry about.