An East Tyrone boiler servicer has promised to wreck more boilers if people continue to attempt to pay by card instead of cash, after losing it at the weekend, having been asked if he had a ‘card machine’ and if he did ‘contactless’.

Martin Neil, who has been servicing boilers since the 80s without headgear, took a sledgehammer to a boiler he had spent three hours fixing outside The Moy, after the owner asked him if he did contactless as the local ATM machine had been removed by a local gang the previous weekend.

Neil’s rage didn’t abate until after he set the boiler alight with his cigarette, creating an explosion heard as far away as Eglish. He is adamant that it won’t be the last time:

“That bollocks knew a week ago I was arriving and said nothing til it was over. I just saw red when he was waving his Santander card in my face and asking for the contactless machine from my van. I probably should not have set it alight, as wrecking it with the sledgehammer was enough in hindsight. To be fair, the man ran off and got the money from a neighbour. I’d do it again though. Cash only.”

The boiler owner had since replaced the boiler but will not press charges as Neil also does a bit of building and plastering which is needed, as the exploding boiler ripped the kitchen wall open.