An ex-Brackaville plasterer has been granted permission to identify as a dog, named Duke, and has demanded that his local pub allows him to urinate in public as well as groom himself in full daylight if he wants to.

Duke McNally, who is now 7 instead of 49, made his first appearance today as a dog, walking the whole way to Coalisland sniffing and barking at passers-by. Duke has also requested that his local Spar stock up on juicy bones and squeaky toys.

When asked how his first day went, Duke replied, whilst walking around in circles:

“I usually bark these days but for this interview I’ll use a few words. Yes, it has been good apart from some slabber from Newmills who kept throwing a stick into the middle of the road and it nearly killed me trying to fetch it. But apart from that, people have been good and even the lad whose shoes I pissed on just laughed and said ‘silly Duke’ and rubbed my head. Woof.”

Duke McNally will go back to the plastering tomorrow but will be allowed to take long naps and growl at people he doesn’t like.