Scientists have confirmed that thousands of eels have gathered at Bannfoot at the southern part of Lough Neagh to protest against the state Lough Neagh is currently in. In addition, fish-speak specialists are close to working out the wording of what seems to be an eel chant along the lines of “Don’t Be Mean, Clear The Green” or something to that effect.

Professor Burt McCourt, who managed to debunk the Loch Ness Monster folktale after 10 years of closely staring the Scottish waterway, is also concerned that there might be a smaller splinter protesting eel group who believe the green algae is fake news.

“It seems a bit complicated down at Bannfoot there. I noticed a group of about 60000 eels circling around the mouth of the river as it flows into the Lough. I know they are definitely protesting at the state of the Lough as they are humming some kind of mantra. They are on the left-hand side. The ones on the right I don’t think are too fussed about protesting and want to charge ahead. I just hope it doesn’t turn nasty.”

Meanwhile, Stormont is looking into possibly making money out of the green waterways for St Patrick’s Day, to rival Boston.