Friends and family of the driver of a double-decker are concerned for his safety after his bus was stopped in Coalisland after locals accused him of some kind of dark wizardry. He was last seen fleeing towards Brackaville on foot as the bus was ransacked and the wheels stolen. A local priest was also called to bless the bus to free it from any evil spirits.

Although locals had seen double-deckers on the TV as well as on trips to Belfast and Craigavon, the sight of the two-tiered bus left many in the town, especially the elderly, on their knees praying and openly wailing as it approached the main street.

Local hardman and watcher of the roundabout, Micky O’Neill, fumed:

“Getting the roundabout was something that took a long time to accept. If they think they can start using double-deckers in our town, they’ve another thing coming. We’re not pagans. That driver will be burned at the stake if he appears again. On another note, we invite all residents to attend The Burning Of The Bus tomorrow after normal Mass. It should only take four hours to burn it to the ground.”

Coalisland has a proud history of resisting change and it was recently discovered that over 80% of the town still use cassette tapes.