Monthly Archives: April 2025
Great Excitement In Brackaville As Time Capsule Opened From 2020
Hundreds of Brackaville people, and even some from Coalisland, gathered excitedly for the dramatic opening of a time capsule which had been sealed since 2020, nearly five years ago. Locals maintain that they have gained great insight into how people in the area lived their daily lives back then and are willing to share their findings with scientists in Belfast.
After opening the chest, there were loud ‘ooohs’ and ‘aaaahs’ as items were pulled out one-by-one and shown to the excited spectators. Included were face-masks, hand sanitisers, toilet rolls and a copy of the Tyrone Times from June 2020. There was also a 6-pack of McCoys crisps and a £20 ticket for a Stewartstown GAA draw.
Brackaville historian, Kelly Gillis, explained:
“What we learned was that the people of the time were fairly primative. They seemed to be avoiding some kind of illness, hence the face-masks or some have suggested if there was perhaps a religious aspect to it and that the clergy had made people wear them to stop kissing and stuff. The hand sanitisers must have been used because they were a very dirty people, maybe digging for spuds barehanded. Toilet rolls were probably new to Brackaville people in 2020. It’s really quite exciting.”
One item caused much consternation, an official MOT certificate, but it was agreed that it was probably mistakenly dropped in by someone from Newmills.
Armagh To Rename Washingbay As The ‘Gulf Of Maghery’
In a show of bravado before the Ulster semi-final against their dear neighbours Tyrone, Armagh Borough Council has announced it will refer to the greater Washingbay area in east Tyrone as the ‘Gulf of Maghery’. It will be changing maps in schools to reflect this.
Taking inspiration from their fellow orange man in the US, the name change will take immediate effect, with additional measures such as the planting of over 500 apple trees, and forcing public houses to promote Buckfast as their recommended drink of choice. Also, players from Derrytresk, Derrylaughan and parts of Brocagh will now be expected to tog out for the Orchard county if called upon, leaving Brian Kennedy in a precarious position before Saturday week.
Washingbay fisherman, Mattie Hughes, has surprisingly welcomed the news:
“I don’t think this is necessarily a bad thing. OK, we lose our identity a bit but let’s be honest, it’ll mean that Peatlands Park and Oxford Island will be free to use as there is currently a Tyrone tariff placed on Tyrone ones using it. I love Peatlands park. It’ll also mean Brian Kennedy has another All-Ireland.”
There was a protest tonight at Tamnamore roundabout against the move, but only six people turned out because of the weather. Additionally, roadworks at Tamnamore meant the 6-person protest had to move to the next roundabout at Dungannon. The police have urged the protesters to stop having protests at roundabouts.
Balls Kicked From Moy Into Blackwatertown, Smashing Windows. ‘Practising 2-Pointers’ Claim Moy Men.
Tyrone/Armagh tensions have been heightened further ahead of the upcoming Ulster Semi-Final after it emerged over 400 GAA and soccer balls have been kicked towards houses and sheds in Blackwatertown in Armagh from the direction of the neighbouring Moy village, over the last three days. The latest damage totals 14 windows and 3 fences.
Last night, a man from the Moy was caught getting out of his car on the Charlemont Rd and lining up a kick towards St Jarlath’s Boxing Club. When apprehended, he claimed he played for Tyrone and was just practising two-pointers before the big game in Clones.
Investigations confirmed that he was, in fact, a former Tyrone player from the Moy with a bad hip.
Armagh GAA requested Tyrone GAA intervene before further damage made relations irreparable, but reminded their rivals that they now have over 400 Tyrone O’Neills balls.
Cavan Fans Lodge Complaint About Omagh St Enda’s Soup Going Up 10p to £1.60
The famous Omagh GAA soup, recently positively reviewed in a TikTok influencer video, has come under fire by the Cavan Ultras Supporters’ Society (CUSS) after it emerged that Omagh officials have raised the price by 10p, their first increase since 2005.
Cavan, who play Tyrone this Sunday in the Ulster Championship first round in Omagh, have threatened to bring their own mobile soup kitchen to the game and park it outside the main gates, in protest of the 10p hike.
CUSS spokesman Lawrence Reilly fumed:
“Do they think we’re made of money in Cavan? In the past we could have got 2 soups for £3 and took one home for later. Now we’ve to pay an extra 20p for 2 soups. The world has gone mad. I’d rather starve.”
Omagh stewards have warned Cavan supporters not to run onto the pitch when the referee tosses the coin. Last year, in a match against Wicklow, 16 Cavan supporters stormed the field after the coin toss and made off with the coin, his whistle and his stopwatch.
Tyrone Tribulations 