In a show of bravado before the Ulster semi-final against their dear neighbours Tyrone, Armagh Borough Council has announced it will refer to the greater Washingbay area in east Tyrone as the ‘Gulf of Maghery’. It will be changing maps in schools to reflect this.

Taking inspiration from their fellow orange man in the US, the name change will take immediate effect, with additional measures such as the planting of over 500 apple trees, and forcing public houses to promote Buckfast as their recommended drink of choice. Also, players from Derrytresk, Derrylaughan and parts of Brocagh will now be expected to tog out for the Orchard county if called upon, leaving Brian Kennedy in a precarious position before Saturday week.

Washingbay fisherman, Mattie Hughes, has surprisingly welcomed the news:

“I don’t think this is necessarily a bad thing. OK, we lose our identity a bit but let’s be honest, it’ll mean that Peatlands Park and Oxford Island will be free to use as there is currently a Tyrone tariff placed on Tyrone ones using it. I love Peatlands park. It’ll also mean Brian Kennedy has another All-Ireland.”

There was a protest tonight at Tamnamore roundabout against the move, but only six people turned out because of the weather. Additionally, roadworks at Tamnamore meant the 6-person protest had to move to the next roundabout at Dungannon. The police have urged the protesters to stop having protests at roundabouts.