Tyrone GAA have launched a campaign to recruit up to FIVE gulpins to bulk up the serious underage talent the county is producing, preferably between the ages of 25-30. Pundits have argued that the lack of a gulpin could prevent Tyrone from competing with the Galways and Armaghs in upcoming years, both of whom have a plethora of gulpins.

The typical Tyrone gulpin is normally around 5’10” to six feet tall, 15+ stone, and able to take out two men through clumsiness. They won’t have played much underage football.

To cover all positions, the board has defined what a good gulpin would make in each of the three key gulpin positions:

• FULL BACK GULPIN: Won’t stray from the square. Will fist all high balls coming in, accidentally nicking the full forward’s scalp in the process. If in possession of the ball, they will kick it as far down the field as they can, coupled with ‘go on ye boy ye, yahooooo’ and hit the full forward another slap on the way back. Do not solo.
• MIDFIELD GULPIN: Won’t stray from the midfield line. If clean catching, fist it to the nearest teammate, often punching it with the fist over long distances. Permitted to create a one-man wall for raids down the field by the opposition, using arms as a windmill. Late tackles will be seen as clumsiness. Do not solo.
• FULL FORWARD GULPIN: Won’t stray from the box or make diagonal runs. High balls will be fisted towards the goal, often catching a part of the head area of the full back. If in possession of the ball, run the ball into the net with two opposition players as well as the goalkeeper hanging off. Do not solo.

The next round of league games will be scrutinised for gulpins.