Monthly Archives: June 2025
Brawl At School Gates After Teachers Filmed Laughing And Winking At Parents Before Summer Holidays
A mass brawl broke out at an Aughnacloy school this afternoon after parents accused teachers of grinning and winking at them as their children completed the last day of the school year. A P6 teacher was hospitalised after falling on a glass of prosecco.
In video footage leaked to TikTok, teachers were spotted dancing and pointing at parents whilst sipping from what looked like long flutes of champagne. A few parents started throwing rocks at the teachers, with the school staff responding by giving them the fingers, as well as the VP baring his backside whilst singing ‘cheerio’.
The Education Authority has urged teachers not to rub it in at this time of the year and to be mindful that parents face 60 consecutive days of having to entertain their own children.
“It’s not easy for the poor parents. Teachers only have them for 8 hours a day five days a week. These poor parents now are faced with raring their own children for two months and having to recharge ipads and phones every night. Teachers need to be wary of this and stop drinking and frollicking at school gates at this time of the year.”
The Aughnacloy brawl ended after the Principal smashed a Peroni bottle over the head of Fr Kelly’s son by mistake, who is in P6.
1980s Tight Tyrone GAA Shorts On Rise Again After Good Spell
Women of Tyrone have been told to wear sunglasses at all times when outdoors this weekend after a spate of men between the ages of 50-65 have been spotted parading around Dungannon, Cookstown, Omagh and Strabane wearing 1980s GAA shorts once sported by Plunkett Donaghy, Kevin McCabe and John Lynch.
The shorts, which are now illegal in 17 counties due to multiple court cases for indecency, are still legal in Tyrone. Last week, a crowd of Americans touring the county, looking for broken Celtic crosses, was sent screaming back to their bus after two men from Galbally emerged from a gap in the hedge wearing their club’s shorts from their successful 1986 Junior League campaign.
One of the tourists, Brock Power from Arizona, commented
“Balls on them like stallions. I didn’t need to see that after a hearty irish breakfast, man.”
County officials have asked women to wear the darkest sunglasses possible over the next while in most rural areas in the county.
In other news, people from Edendork have been told to stop licking the melted tar on the roads. A tiktok video has been blamed for convincing them it was liquorice.
Geezer To Bless All Armagh Graves Before Galway Game To Ensure Good Support
Kieran McGeeney has been given permission by the Arch Bishop of Armagh to do a mass blessing of all the graves of Armagh on Saturday 14th June in Breffni Park, just before the ball is thrown in against Galway.
Fears of a poor match turnout were gathering this week after it emerged that the game coincided with the blessing of graves on many parishes across the county. Armagh is known for their fanatical support of graves and graveyards, with many supporters claiming their dearly departed loved ones would be turning in their graves had the match gone ahead with a blessing.
McGeeney, who doesn’t believe in graveyards or death, has opted to wear a small purple tunic for the blessing and will conduct the 30 second ritual in a strong Mullaghbawn dialect, closely linked to the native tongue of the Baluba tribe of Congo.
Tyrone’s Malachy O’Rourke refused to comment.
Tyrone Tribulations 