Monthly Archives: October 2025
Calls For Tyrone’s First Club AI Manager To Get Sack After It Mistakenly Ordered Fish Supper During Match Glitch
Windmill GFC’s recent revival has met a bump in the road after their new manager, an AI Bot called Takehimdowntefeck, glitched and ordered a takeaway during a friendly game instead of a substitution.
The AI bot, which manages the squad from a laptop, was said to provide state-of-the-art management and training until the glitch.
Windmill officials boasted of how it:
- Doesn’t sleep, eat or shite – saving money and time
- Can be put in a laptop case and thrown into the river if it loses
- You can change its voice (eg Clint Eastwood, Polly Parton) depending on the result or halftime score
- Leaves an extra seat in the dugout for a spare goalkeeper etc
The glitch came at a crucial point in the friendly game with the Windmill a point down, only to see a chip van pull up and a fish supper making its way to the home dugout.
This wasn’t the first time the AI manager caused trouble. In a friendly away to Brocagh, the poor WiFi signal there meant most of the decisions were only half understood.
There were also concerns that the AI manager was eyeing up Hawkeye during a Windmill trip to Croke Park.
Clonoe O’Rahilly’s To Raise Funds For Ulster Championship With Coalisland Fianna Tribute CD
To raise much-needed funds for their assault on the Ulster Intermediate Championship, Clonoe O’Rahilly’s have released a CD packed full of lovely songs about their neighbours, Coalisland Fianna, and will go on sale outside all good chapels tomorrow morning.
Included are some well-known ballads such as Dirty Old Town, We’re Not Brackaville We’re Coalisland, and the newly penned Shame, Na Fianna Foiled.
CDs retail at £15.99
Derrylaughan GAC Accused Of Breeding Asian Hornets To Replace Midges During Matches
Derrylaughan Kevin Barrys, who used to win loads of matches from 1965-1985 including two county titles, due to the amount of midges in the eyes of opposition players unaccustomed to the phenomenon, have been accused of breeding Asian Hornets to replace the decreasing numbers of midges.
The hornet, an aggressive beast that can render players incapable of seeing for days, has been spotted around the lough being trained to attack anything not wearing a green jersey. This appears to be an escalation in tactics by the loughshore team to ensure a quick return to the senior grade in 2027.
Environmentalist Kenny Arching fumed:
“Derrylaughan would need to have a good luk at itself. Them hornets are deadly. They’ve no loyalty either and will head up the road to Ardboe and Moortown. Soon the whole of the East will be a no-go area again; teams like Urney and Aughabrack won’t trek across the county to come back covered in lumps and an eye missing. It’ll be like the 70s all over again. Imagine if the Windmill had hornets.”
Derrylaughan have denied breeding hornets and said they’re just big angry midges.
Church Ordered To Change Name Of Rooster Appreciation Sunday From ‘Blessing Of The Cocks’ To Something More Holy
The Vatican has ordered a church in East Tyrone to change the name of their rooster appreciation weekend from ‘Blessing Of The Cocks’ to something more palatable.
St John’s RC Church on the outskirts of Aughamullan, which has a history of unique Sunday blessings, has decided to honour the rooster this year. The rooster acts as a natural alarm clock for locals in the area, as many of them are suspicious of electronics.
Parish priest Fr Jimmy admitted he might change the name to suit his Roman overlords, but was adamant that the blessing of roosters would still go ahead on the date planned:
“Aye it’s a bit of a pity as I’d loads of Blessing of the Cocks banners done out but it’s easily changed. And I suppose there are loads of other cocks out there, like pheasants and stuff. No harm done.”
Next month, the parish has announced the Blessing of the Dungarees.
Tyrone Tribulations 