A Castlederg family, steeped in the ice cream business, has set sail from Donegal on a sizeable and fast speedboat for Greenland to annex the island before America tries to.

Cassidy 99ers‘ owner, Kieran Cassidy, has employed a large number of friends and loyal customers, free of charge, to follow behind on an older, slower speedboat, which will arrive a couple of days behind the first crew.

Cassidy, whose business won Best Ice Cream in West Tyrone for a Small Business in 1977, maintains that the Americans might be using the smokescreen of an oil-extracting operation to form an ice-cream dynasty of their own on the island.

Greenland currently has a limited ice cream infrastructure.

“It’s a bit of a no-brainer. When was the last time you saw an Inuit eating an ice-cream? The Yanks are not slow when it comes to opportunisitc business ideas but we’re not wet behind the ears either in the ‘Derg. We’ve the flag with us.”

High-profile Greenlanders have said they’re open to a Castlederg invasion as long as the Flakes are genuine and ‘not that American shite’.