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Brocagh Bull Identifies As A Cow. Scientists Stumped.
A Brocagh bull that keeps hanging around the milking machines has stumped scientists into believing that it identifies as a cow.
Bertie, who is now called Cassie, spends most of his day with the other cows, and allows young children to play on its back and swing off his horns. To confirm the suspicion, Bertie was thrown into a field of 45 cows in heat but curled up in the corner and went to sleep.
Owner Patsy McGahan fumed:
“I’ve been sold a pup. I needed a bull and bought this one off a boy from Portadown. I paid big money and yer fella said he’ll go all night and all day. The only thing he goes for is a dander around the yard, staring at the cows being milked. To say I’m disappointed is putting it mildly. Cassie is actually eyeing up another bull these days.”
In an idea to prove it was a bull, McGahan dressed as a matador and tried to goad Bertie/Cassie into showing some aggression. The bull just turned around and ate some grass.
Brantry Cow Complains Of Lack Of Job Opportunities as ‘Sheepcow’
Clara, practising
BY SHENGAS MCGLUMPHIE
A Fresian cow has made a formal complaint to the Ulster Farmers’ Union about the lack of opportunities in the County for cows.
Clara, a 4-year old cow from Derrylappen Farm in Brantry, made the complaint after being passed over for the job replacing a sheepdog that was retiring.
“There’s funding for this, funding for that, funding for the other”, she explained, “But nothing for the bovine community. The glass ceiling in the farming industry is ridiculous. I’ve been giving milk every day for two years without so much as a word of thanks. Not a single day off on the sick, even when my daughter was born. When the sheepdog, Jip, retired, I applied for the job. Why not? Sure, I’m maybe a wee bit slower than the dogs, but I’ve a great relationship with the sheep and I’m sure I could persuade them to move along just by asking them nicely. I could be a great sheepcow. First one in the county. Anyway, I went for the interview with the farmer and Jip was there. He just lay there in his basket asking me if I liked beef sandwiches and then yelping with laughter like he’s God’s gift. What’s that all about?”
“And the farmer’s not much better”, continued the cow. “He’s been all funny with me since I said I wanted a try-out for the Grand National. And he gives thon bull about five acres to himself, whilst us girls are cramped together in this here field. Look at it! Dunged to the hilt. Damned disgrace. My shoes are filthy. And that bull’s a nuisance breaking into our field all the time, as if he hasn’t got enough bloody space. And he must be trying to keep his shoes clean too, trying to climb up onto our backs all the time”.
Jip, the sheepdog in question countered,
“Are you having a laugh? Jaysus, the size of that wan lumbering down the field trying to herd sheep? Not a chance. Milk could turn quicker than her. You can’t teach an old cow new tricks”.
Clara has since applied for a job as a sniffer cow at Belfast City Airport.
Tyrone Tribulations 