How it might look

The old railway line between Cookstown and Dungannon, visiting Stewartstown and Coalisland, may be getting touched up under ambitious plans by the council to create a ‘deadly long ghost train ride’ for bored children and stressed parents. The railway line, last used in the late 50s, has been declared ‘probably near enough intact’ and only requires a bit of hammering here and there as well as hedge cutting and a couple of buildings knocked down.

Madcap optimist Concubar Corr is certain he can pull this off:

“I’m never done hearing about unruly children terrorising East Tyrone by gathering in corners and sniggering whilst parents are out of their wits worried about their social development. Then one day I was hoking around a ditch in Tullyhogue and spotted the disused railway line. The idea hit me straight away – I can use this to solve all our delinquency problems. I can build a ghost train stretching 10 miles and taking 2 hours to complete. 4 hours if you go back the same way.”

Corr has set out the fearsome sights the train passengers will encounter on the journey. They include:

• Boys in Stewartstown jumping out from behind hedges shouting ‘yahoooooo’ and other frightful sounds.
• At Lisnastraine have TV licence men stand about staring at parents on the train or dole officers pretending to take notes.
• In Coalisland there’ll be women striking sliotars at the passengers
• The whole way have planted workers secretly making “wooooooooo” noises every 2-3 minutes

“I understand we need to ask a few householders to knock down internal walls so that the train can follow its original route but we’ll look for compensation for them like 3 free rides or something. Sure won’t it be great craic seeing a train pass through your living room whilst watching The One Show. I already have 41 bookings even though we haven’t checked if the line is still there. I’ve only checked from Cookstown to Sandholes, about 1 mile.”

Rides will cost £20 per child or £100 for a family ticket.