With news emerging that Brussels Sprouts are 25% bigger this season, plumbers across the country are bracing themselves for multiple call-outs around Christmas, with the 26th of December expecting to witness record-breaking toilet-related breakdowns.

The Tyrone Plumbers Union (TPU) has urged its members to charge time and a half for call-outs around the festive period due to the unsavory jobs they’ll need to fulfill because of the size of the Brussels Sprouts.

TPU director, Terry Hanna, explained:

“Farmers have told us that this season’s sprouts are enormous. In some cases, only two sprouts can be physically eaten at the one time and I’ve a bad feeling they’re going to play havoc with the digestive system. Toilets these days are getting smaller when they should be getting bigger. I can only see catastrophe after catastrophe ahead. We’ll make a bomb though. £160 a call-out at least.”

Doctors have urged families to ration the large sprouts as they fear increased bowel-related incidents on Christmas Day. In 1988, a man from Killyclogher managed to block all three toilets in his house before 3pm on Christmas Day.