Maggie, the Brocagh Charolais

The theft of a child’s scrambler from a field in Brocagh will create unprecedented scenes in Dungannon court as a cow is to stand witness in a last attempt by the vehicle’s owner to nail the burglar. After fourteen days of stalemate, the prosecution is to wheel in a 4 year old Charolais cow tomorrow who may have been a witness to the theft of the 50cc scrambler, given to young Paddy McGroarty at Christmas. Paddy’s father, Johnny, explains:

“We’ve spent a fortune trying to get the man who stole my lad’s scrambler. We were about to give up as he had every alibi in the book. It wasn’t until I thought of Maggie the Charolais. She was definitely in the field when it was stolen. I reckon that if we line up three men as suspects, she’ll react when she sees the thief. That’s what I’m hoping anyway. I’n not sure what she’ll do – maybe moo or nod her head. She’s a smart cookie.”

In order to impress the judges, McGroarty has had a special suit fitted for the cow so that she’ll not look odd in the court room.

“These cases are sometimes judged on the smallest of details. We want Maggie to look respectable and the type of cow you could trust. The only thing I’m worried about is her toilet habits. Like, if I went up to give evidence and then crapped on the floor, I’d not be taken seriously. I’m not sure how I’ll deal with that issue. Maybe plug her up for a couple of hours. I’ll need to think about this.”

The defendant, Leo Corr from Lisnastraine, called the latest move ‘deadly stupid’  as he maintains he was wearing sunglasses when he stole the scrambler and that’s there’s no way Maggie will remember him.