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Derry County Board Interviewed FIVE Tyrone Celebrities Including Begley, Taylor and Cush
The recent round of interviews for the Derry manager’s job was described as being the ‘stiffest yet’ as Tyrone legends Dennis Taylor, Philomena Begley, Malachi Cush, Hugo Duncan, and Jimmy Cricket finished behind Paddy Tally in the race to become the boss of the county’s footballers.
Tally, who hails from Galbally which has a Chinese takeaway and a convenience store, had to withstand stiff competition from Malachi Cush after the Donaghmore man told the Derry interview team that he’d also sing the national anthem if given the job, saving them money. It is reported that Begley and Duncan also offered to sing the anthem but lacked knowledge about the new rules the GAA is bringing in.
An insider informed us:
“Dennis Taylor impressed me with his jovial wit and he did the whole finger wagging thing, and that would be good for discipline. Jimmy Cricket wasn’t really all that interested but he was told to go anyway as he was from Cookstown and that’s only down the road. But we’re happy we’ve got the best Tyrone person we could get. What can go wrong?”
Adrian Logan, Darren Clarke and Kevin McAleer are said to be furious they were overlooked.
Tally is yet to name his backroom team but early signs suggest Omagh’s Sam Neill, Gortin’s Janet Devlin and Tom McDermott from Greencastle are in the running.
Galbally’s Got Talent Standard Underwhelming Says Organisers. Drunk Alphabet Man Wins Again.
Galbally, this morning
For the third year year running, Gerry Talbot won the Annual Galbally’s Got Talent competition in the Parochial Hall with his ‘saying the alphabet backwards after a half bottle’ routine. Organisers were hoping for an improvement in the overall quality of entrants following disappointing viewing numbers for last year’s final when Talbot beat off Katy Hurson who made a lasagne in twenty minutes. Their hopes were dashed with the first act as Frank Loughran sang the nursery rhyme ‘Rock-a-bye-baby’, missing out most of the words.
“I don’t think we’ll do another one”, claimed chairman Lisa Teague. “There are only so many times we can acclaim Gerry as our best talent. To say the alphabet backwards is great, and to do it whilst tipsy is admirable, but you’d really think he’d develop his act, like. That’s three years solid he has lifted the trophy doing the same thing. What’s more bewildering was the rapturous applause he received again after he did his bit. I know he does a bit of home-brewing but I didn’t think he was that important. Seems he is.”
Teague detailed some of the other competitors whilst sounding a warning regarding the future of the event:
“In second place this year was Jason Peoples who brought his dog onstage. That was it. Bringing the dog onstage was his talent. Like for Jaysus sake. People even applauded that. In third place was Yori Hussanni, our Portuguese resident. He came on and pointed at objects whilst naming them in his native tongue. At least we think he was. Mickey Murphy just soloed a ball in his Tyrone top. He got a few boos for that. Paddy Tally read out his best lecture notes. It was all a bit subdued to be honest. I can’t see it happening next year.”
As well as the trophy, Talbot received a ten-pound voucher to be spent in the local convenience store.
Tyrone Tribulations 