Curran – a fast man or clampit?

A Loughmacrory plumber, Mickey Curran (44), was this morning still maintaining he ran a mile in 3 mins 45 seconds – becoming only the fourth man in history to do so – on his first run ever trying to lose a bit of weight. His wife has continued to pour scorn on the claim, insisting that he paused the time on his phone by mistake and that he was actually gone from the house for ‘over an hour’.

Curran, a 20-a-day smoker who currently weighs 17 stone and hasn’t run since he was 14 or so, decided to get fit after making fun of a hefty reflection of a man in a shop window in Omagh before realising it was himself. Setting off down the Crotty Road yesterday morning, Curran says he wasn’t surprised at his record breaking time:

“I had a fair idea I was flying. Although I haven’t exercised in 30 years and am carrying a bit of timber, I’ve always imagined I’d be a deadly runner. I remember watching the lympics and saying to herself that I’d bate most of them Africans no bother. And I’ve just proved it.  That Morrocan boy (Hicham El Guerrouj) may get used to the fact that by the end of this week his 3:43 time will be shattered, right here in Loughmacrory. A mile seems to be my distance”.

Daisy Curran has rubbished her husband’s claims and maintains he’s just making an idiot out of himself:

“Jaysus, he’s some dick. He was gone for over an hour and came back with vomit streaming down his Frankie Goes To Hollywood t-shirt. Sure I could see him out the kitchen window. He barely made it down our lane and that’s only 10 metres. Clampit. He has accidentally pushed the pause button on the iphone”.

Curran has set his sights on breaking world records for javelin, shot-put, 100m and downhill skiing by the end of the month.