Pancake straight into face

Following 62 calls to emergency services since 8am this morning, there have been calls for a Pancake Tossing Bill in order to prevent excited fathers showing off and scalding half the family as well as causing irreparable damage to ceilings and tiles.

The South Tyrone Ambulance Services revealed they spent £300 on diesel today dealing with incidents with their first call-out a 8:01 calamity in Clonoe when plumber Caoimhim Taggart lost all his hair after excitedly tossing a boiling pancake with too much cooking oil on it on top of his head, burning what was once ‘a striking shock of ginger curls’ according to his laughing wife.

Local Independent politician Leo Kennedy confirmed he will bring this up in Stormont the next time he’s allowed to talk:

“I was called out to a house in Brocagh where a man refused to stop tossing even through he’s burned 9 holes in the ceiling. His 9 starving children were all crying and begging him to stop but the male ego is a forceful phenomenon. I think there should be a licence for men to toss pancakes, only granted after a 6-week intensive course.”

44 of the calls were for piping hot pancakes straight into the face.

Pancake Tuesday, or Shrove Tuesday as the elderly call it, dates back to 1933 when the parish priest of Galbally Fr Johnson told parishioners he had a vision one night that God appeared to him to say that eating pancakes before Lent was a sure-fire way of entering the gates of heaven as long as you gave up something like cursing or winking at married women for the duration of the 40-day fasting period.

It later emerged that Fr Johnson was a shareholder in Irwin’s Bread.