An 8-year old Moortown school girl has been controversially suspended from school for three days after she lifted cow dung from a neighbouring field and flung it at a besotted classmate during lunch time.

The P5 lad, who had asked the girl to marry him during an underwhelming maths lesson earlier in the day, had to take the following day off school due to some of the stuff still being stuck in his ear.

His mother, the 1988 Moortown Levi Jeans Rear of the Year champion Marie Quinn, maintains the girl acted a bit aggressively to her son’s innocent enough request:

“Put it like this: She didn’t learn about throwing dung from the back a of crisp packet so she didn’t. My young lad is humiliated and heartbroken all at the same time. He just thought she was maybe a good catch in 20 year’s time as her family have a rake of houses with good road frontage.”

Although the school have refused to comment on the actual incident, they did issue a statement condemning the practice of throwing dung and confirmed there have been no cases of this at the school withing the last 24 months.

In other news, eels have been seen swimming on their backs up near Toome. Scientists have asked people not to worry and that it’s probably just a few ones larking about.