Derrylaughan GAC are currently the subject of a national investigation after video footage emerged of midges practising swarming tactics at the Washingbay despite a ban on all collective training due to the current health concerns.

The midges, which traditionally play a crucial role in blinding opposition players especially during the warmer months, were filmed swarming in well rehearsed moves and being egged on by two Derrylaughan stalwarts Pedro Kennedy and Horatio Cushnahan.

The midges were spotted perfecting the infamous eye-drilling move by lining up behind each other and attacking opposition forwards’ eyes by shooting into them, in numbers of 20’000 or more.

Another tactic involves a mesmeric swarming dance which can distract a rival goalkeeper with its beauty. It is said that Derrylaughan won the 1981 Championship after a particularly skilled batch of midges followed the team to neutral venues and set upon the opposition at the sound of the trigger word, ‘taggart’.

“Sanctions will be issued if the footage is deemed as clear evidence of skulduggery. Derrylaughan will have to play their home games in Strabane or Aughabrack.”

said Croke Park Disciplinarian Chairperson Joe McNally.