A 45-year-old Galbally mechanic has been barred from a well-known hostelry in Galbally after he ordered two pints for his mates and a skinny latte for himself, pointing at a coffee machine that hadn’t been used since being installed in 2017.

John McGormley, who developed a liking for teas and coffees after a holiday in Venice during the summer, was also questioned by local unofficial enforcers regarding his taste in stuff. He narrowly avoided a hiding when his mother turned up and told him to catch himself on.

Local pub-goer, Geoff Riley, remarked:

“Aye it was a bit of a handlin aright. I thought that coffee machine was plastic and an ornament. Turns out you can order coffees but sure who’d be at that. John’s a good lad, but he should have known better than to use words like latte in this part of the world.”

In other news, several parents have already begun queueing outside Galbally Primary School with their children, despite it not opening til Monday.