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East Tyrone Priest Mistakenly Beaten Up By Dads After Dressing Up As Clown At Halloween Party

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Fr O’Fay (behind) during happier times

Fathers of children at an Irish Language School in Clonoe have apologised for ‘kicking the dung’ clean out of a local priest who unexpectedly arrived at a children’s Halloween party in the school today dressed as a clown. 

Fr O’Fay accepted the joint apology from the parents and admitted it was probably a bad decision to burst into the assembly room dressed as the traditional circus performer, carrying a bloodied meat cleaver, given the current bad press clowns are receiving across the country.

Mother of three Geraldine Hanna explained how quickly concerned fathers reacted to the jovial priest’s surprising arrival:

“He just burst through the doors dressed as a clown and wielding a meat cleaver shouting ‘where are yiz ye wee scitters?’. Within twenty seconds he was having the tripe kicked out of him by upwards of 30 fathers up and down the school corridor before they realised it was just the parish priest Fr O’Fay dressed up.”

After the screaming and cries of the children and mothers had died down, an ambulance arrived to whisk O’Fay away to Craigavon A&E which was followed by three decades of the rosary in the school led by the principal of Gaelscoil Na Rahillys Mr Martin, and an unexpected early finish to the Halloween party.

Fr O’Fay released a statement tonight saying he regretted dressing up as a killer clown and should have stuck to his original decision to wear his Dolly Parton outfit. He also promised a good long Mass at Clonoe this Sunday to make up for his error.

Tyrone Lonely Hearts – Volume 3

Beragh ex-English Literature teacher (66) seeks a wholesome woman with good teeth, soft lips, sweet breath, with eyes no matter what colour so they are but expressive; of a healthy complexion, rather inclin’d to fair than brown; neat in her person, her bosom full, plump, firm and white; a good understanding, without being a wit, but cheerful and lively in conversation, polite and delicate of speech, her temper humane and tender, and to look as if she could feel delight where she wishes to give it. No Clogher women need apply.

Ardboe man (54), unemployed clown, seeks woman with no bodily deformity.

Fintona gardener (55), ploughing the loneliest of furrows, twelve personal ads and counting. Only one reply. It was my mother telling me not to forget the bread on my way home from the library. Seeks anyone.

Strabane woman (44), pessimistic, practical and forward thinking, would like you to list your top 10 treasured possessions – just want to know if there’s anything worth keeping when we finally break up.

Brocagh lad (23) seeks a woman who is a man. Sorry mummy.

Compulsive-eating Galbally woman, 52, would like to meet a man of up to 25 for whom the phrase ‘beauty is only skin-deep’ is both a lifestyle choice and a religious ethos.

Kildress window-cleaner, 50, in desperate need of a ride, anything considered.

Plumbridge Lady, 49, seeks companion to ramble around Gortin Glen with. I cannot guarantee you’ll fall in love with me, but I can ­promise you the best home-brewed brandy ball poitin you’ll have ever tasted.

Moortown carpet fitter, 39, will entertain anyone from totally blind to completely incapacitated. Will treat you to the finest collection of dried stuffed eels this side of the lough. Weekend taxidermist.

Derrytresk plumber, 61, seeks woman with boat. Please send photo of boat.

 

paul g moss

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