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Spontaneous Re-Enactment Of Scene From ‘Ghost’ Leaves Urney Wife Unimpressed
Ghost Oh!
BY SHENGAS MCGLUMPHIE
A husband’s efforts to romantically create a famous scene from a famous movie went largely unappreciated by his wife.
Sean McAleer, a 58 year old mechanic from Urney, returned home from work on Tuesday to find his wife Anne preparing the evening meal, and decided upon an impromptu homage to ‘Ghost’, the award-winning 1990 movie featuring Patrick Swayze and Whoopi Goldberg.
“Well, I had had a couple of swift ones after work, see”, he explained. “I got home and I thought Anne would like a wee thrill while she was making my tea. We’ve a big tub of Swarfega heavy duty hand-cleaner that sits in the larder, so I lubed up the hands and went straight in for a wee cuddle singing the song from the ‘Ghost’ fillum. Anne was kneading dough for the apple crumble and I knew she’d like a wee thrill”.
His wife however had a somewhat different perspective of events.
“The bollix was pished. He could hardly walk. These big manky hands appeared round my waist and he started singing, ‘You’ve Lost That Loving Feeling’. Jaysus, there was a powerful smell of the drink off him. And it’s not even the right song, the eejit. I ended up with apple peelings all down my jumper”.
Sean said he was inspired both by the smash hit movie ‘Ghost’ and by a recent show him and his wife attended at the Banter Theatre in Dungannon, where producer Oliver Carr sold out 7 nights with his Tyrone adaptation of the movie, called ‘Ghost Oh’.
“I’ve always loved that ‘Ghost’ movie”, said McAleer. “Patrick Swayze was class with all the deadly dancin and high kicks and suchlike. ‘Ghost Oh’ was even better though. It’s about these dead eels that haunt Irish Dancers in Moortown”.
In a separate incident last week, McAleer was questioned by police after trying to re-create the Mylie Cyrus ‘Wrecking Ball’ video in the middle of Dungannon Park, using an old space hopper, a claw hammer, and some blue rope.
Brackaville Ghost May Relocate To Stewartstown
A sad Brackaville Lily
The once-famous Brackaville ghost, who drew millions of people to the area in 2009 after making a few appearances, has announced that unless people start showing her a bit of respect she will pack up and head to Stewartstown who would be crying out for a bit of supernatural shenanigans. ‘Lily’, who says she’s about 200 years young or thereabouts, claims bad manners and general begrudgery has made her life a living hell:
“Ignorant shower of ungrateful living people around here. Yes, they were all over me when the crowds were flocking to the Mullaghmoyle Road after I made a couple of midnight danders outside the house. They couldn’t get enough of me. It was Lily this and Lily that. Newspaper people from England and all. Then I started to hear the grumblings from jealous women up the road who simply didn’t like the thought of their husbands and boyfriends talking about me all the time. Then the men turned on me too in order to placate the women. I’m off. People just drive through me now.”
Lily claims she was also being used as a scapegoat for every misdemeanour in the area from tax evasion to smuggling diesel:
“Yes, that’s correct. Men were being done for non-payment of TV licences, insurance or diesel and in court they’d plead innocence by saying ‘it was the ghost that done it’, claiming I was stealing documents and letters or leaving illegal fuel lying about. The powers-that-be would buy into it for fear of being haunted if they didn’t believe in me. As if I wanted to be at that craic at my age. All I want is a pint in Campbells and a round of golf up the road. I’m 200 for God’s sake.”
Lily claims she may move to Stewartstown before the year is out:
“That is maybe the fresh challenge I need. Sure foreigners don’t even go there. I’d shake that town up.”
Tyrone Tribulations 