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Loom Bands To Feature At Unofficial ‘T In The Parkanaur’ Music Festival



Tickets have gone on sale for an unofficial music festival to be held in one of Tyrone’s premier beauty spots.

‘T in the Parkanaur’ in the brainchild of Gerard Donnelly from Dungannon, who decided to stage the event after hearing of the rapid success of loom bands with young people and spotting a gap in the market.

“Jays, they’re mad for the loom bands, so they are”, said Donnelly. “It’s all I ever hear about. But you never hear of loom bands playing many gigs, do you?” he challenged. “Maybe they’re just shy wee craters. Anyway, that’s why we’re doing this music festival. The cubs’ll go mental for the loom bands. The public gets what the public wants, so they do”.

He continued,

“And it’s not just the loom bands. There’s others too. We’re going to get Eminem as long as he promises to cut out the swearin, and Miley Cyrus, although to be honest I preferred her dad. And we’ve got one of the biggest Irish superstars you can think of. The biggest. Guaranteed. I can’t tell you who it is but let’s just say if she comes along she might just need to lay a blanket on the ground”, he said with a wink. “But honestly”, he went on. “She will need to bring a blanket. The facilities are going to be a bit limited”.

Preparations well underway

Preparations well underway

Controversially, Donnelly confirmed that the ‘T’ in the title doesn’t stand for Tennents, who sponsor of the hugely popular annual ‘T in the Park’ event, based in Scotland.

“No, I spoke to them but they weren’t interested”, said Donnelly. “Not in touch with the young ‘uns,see? No, the T stands for Toilet. Never enough bogs at these music festivals. We’re going to have hundreds of them wee cubicles. If we didn’t we’d have to call it ‘P in the Park’. Get it?! Ye boy ye!”

Asked about the parking, the catering, or if in fact permission had even been sought from Parkanaur, Donnelly was evasive.

“That’s all work in progress. These things take time. Let’s just say there are a few wee things to iron out. Listen, everyone was mitherin’ about it going maybe going tits up with the Garth Brooks concerts in Dublin, and it all ended up fine, didn’t it?

“Honestly, there’s nothing to worry about. There’ll be no stopping us. Not once we get started”.


Spontaneous Re-Enactment Of Scene From ‘Ghost’ Leaves Urney Wife Unimpressed

Ghost Oh!

Ghost Oh!


A husband’s efforts to romantically create a famous scene from a famous movie went largely unappreciated by his wife.

Sean McAleer, a 58 year old mechanic from Urney, returned home from work on Tuesday to find his wife Anne preparing the evening meal, and decided upon an impromptu homage to ‘Ghost’, the award-winning 1990 movie featuring Patrick Swayze and Whoopi Goldberg.

“Well, I had had a couple of swift ones after work, see”, he explained. “I got home and I thought Anne would like a wee thrill while she was making my tea. We’ve a big tub of Swarfega heavy duty hand-cleaner that sits in the larder, so I lubed up the hands and went straight in for a wee cuddle singing the song from the ‘Ghost’ fillum. Anne was kneading dough for the apple crumble and I knew she’d like a wee thrill”.

His wife however had a somewhat different perspective of events.

“The bollix was pished. He could hardly walk. These big manky hands appeared round my waist and he started singing, ‘You’ve Lost That Loving Feeling’. Jaysus, there was a powerful smell of the drink off him. And it’s not even the right song, the eejit. I ended up with apple peelings all down my jumper”.

Sean said he was inspired both by the smash hit movie ‘Ghost’ and by a recent show him and his wife attended at the Banter Theatre in Dungannon, where producer Oliver Carr sold out 7 nights with his Tyrone adaptation of the movie, called ‘Ghost Oh’.

“I’ve always loved that ‘Ghost’ movie”, said McAleer. “Patrick Swayze was class with all the deadly dancin and high kicks and suchlike. ‘Ghost Oh’ was even better though. It’s about these dead eels that haunt Irish Dancers in Moortown”.

In a separate incident last week, McAleer was questioned by police after trying to re-create the Mylie Cyrus ‘Wrecking Ball’ video in the middle of Dungannon Park, using an old space hopper, a claw hammer, and some blue rope.

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