Kevin McCabe – 1984

The previously smooth-running Garvaghey Complex has hit a major speed-bump after tempers frayed this evening during the unveiling of a new ‘Memory Cabinet’ in the west wing. Accusations of bias towards certain clubs almost resulted in blows being thrown with one man labelling the atmosphere ‘deadly like’.

Pat Carabine, a member of the Urney club, put across his impression of the whole handling:

“Why are there all these East Tyrone things in the cabinet? Kevin McCabe’s moustache from 1984. Kevin McCabe’s moustache from 1986. Art McCrory’s monkey hat from 1986. Sure what did them boys ever win really? Why not John Lynch’s mullet? I’m told that McCabe did not donate his 1986 moustache at all and that what we’re looking at is Damien O’Hagan’s moustache from around the same time. The thing’s a farce”.

Francis Skeffington from Brackaville hit back, accusing West Tyrone of sour grapes:

“Them boys have had it too good for too long. I think the cabinet looks class and for me Sean McNally’s pants from the 1985 loss to Derry takes pride of place. It’s not all East Tyrone anyway. Aidan Skelton’s upside down handlebar moustache is there as well as a lump of Mikey Sheehy’s shoulder blade which was extracted by Noel McGinn in 86 whilst the ball was up the other end. They need to dry their eyes”.

The Garvaghey Complex Memory Cabinet Committee have rejected accusations of focusing mostly on moustaches, neglecting memorabilia such as medals, boots and jerseys:

“We just wanted to be different. There were some brilliant moustaches back then. Sean Donnelly, Mickey Mallon and then you have a few locks from Plunkett Donaghy’s majestic mop. Sure that’s what we all remember. We’re just disappointed Declan McCrossan didn’t donate his ’97 moustache to ease the West Tyrone accusations of bias”.

The Memory Cabinet is open at all times and punters are allowed to look at it for free for 10 mins with a £2 per min charge after that.