He’ll try again tomorrow

With the county side sitting at home eating crisps and drinking mineral, an elderly Ardboe man has taken the unusual step of heading down the road to board a plane in an attempt to spice up his mundane existence. Despite once having a ‘steady enough income’ at his souvenir magnet shop from pilgrims staring at a broken religious cross, Johnny Joe McPike has had enough of waiting for next year’s championship whilst looking towards the Lough hoping to hear the long lost echoes of a corncrake, and made his way to Aldergrove by foot on Sunday morning before dawn.

“Sure what harm can it do boy. Ghost oh, sure it’s only a plane lak. I’m off to Brazillia.”

McPike returned home six hours later as he had no documentation, money, clothes and couldn’t recall his reason for being there.