The family of a 71-year old grandmother confirmed she’ll never be invited to their Hallowe’en party again after a series of calculated moves to win every party game including putting a magnet in her mouth as well as slobbering into the apple-bobbing bowl.
Margaret O’Flynn, who has over 50 grandchildren, was caught cheating red-handed when she accidentally coughed up a magnet after winning the ‘guess the apple pie slice with 20p in it’ game EIGHT times in succession. Her daughter, Linda (44), added:
“She was sniffing every slice really up close but we just thought she had some kind of elderly 6th sense. Little did we know she had a horseshoe magnet in her mouth and it was moving any time she hovered over the 20p. My children were fairly pissed off after her 5th win in a row.”
Mrs O’Flynn proceeded to ruin the apple-bobbing game by demanding to go first and then coughing, spluttering and retching into the bowl, causing children to opt out of the game every time a new bowl was set up.
“Not only that, but she had her dentures re-set earlier that day so that her mouth opened twice as wide as a normal person’s mouth. There were times she was able to fit THREE apples in it at the one time. No one stood a chance!”
O’Flynn is not a stranger to ruining children’s parties. In 1998 she exposed Santa Claus as her second cousin during his stint at the local Fintona Youth Club by yanking his beard off him as he arrived on stage and calling him a ‘miserable tramp‘, referring to a long-standing family feud over access to a field.
With the county side sitting at home eating crisps and drinking mineral, an elderly Ardboe man has taken the unusual step of heading down the road to board a plane in an attempt to spice up his mundane existence. Despite once having a ‘steady enough income’ at his souvenir magnet shop from pilgrims staring at a broken religious cross, Johnny Joe McPike has had enough of waiting for next year’s championship whilst looking towards the Lough hoping to hear the long lost echoes of a corncrake, and made his way to Aldergrove by foot on Sunday morning before dawn.
“Sure what harm can it do boy. Ghost oh, sure it’s only a plane lak. I’m off to Brazillia.”
McPike returned home six hours later as he had no documentation, money, clothes and couldn’t recall his reason for being there.