Mrs Thompson

PSNI officials have managed to calm tensions in Dungannon today after a row between newlyweds spilled over onto the main road. 

Early reports suggest that Mr Thompson, a 29-year-old fitter from the town, greeted his wife in the kitchen this morning with the comment “I see you’ve got your false face on already” despite her not having it on yet. Friends say Mrs Thompson responded with a clean box to the jaw of her recently married husband, sparking a rowing session which went on for nearly an hour.

Police Constable Jack Young added:

“We’re not meant to give opinions on these things but she did over react a bit. That joke has been doing the rounds for decades and it’s not even a particularly good one. Mrs Thompson is a fine-looking young woman so there was no need for her to stretch him out with the one punch.”

Ironically, Mr Thomspon was due to attend a fancy-dress party tonight in the town dressed as Rocky Balboa. The bruising around his eyes and nose today now means he will save a packet on make-up.

Fermanagh and South Tyrone Independent councillor Tony Quinn has urged people to be careful with old sayings and clichés.

“People need to be careful with these things. A boy said to be ‘keep your friends close but your enemies closer’. That’s pure bollocks and dangerous. I befriended a man who tried to shoot me for being on his land last week. I invited him in for tea the next day and he kicked my balls in.”

Meanwhile, tomorrow will have average temperatures.