New Public Toilet For Newtownstewart

Horns were blaring through the historic village of Newtownstewart tonight after the Tyrone County Council (TCC) announced they have granted permission to erect a public toilet in the centre of the Main Street. In the second of its kind in Tyrone, the TCC hope it will bring tourists to the hamlet and give the locals something to be proud of.

“We want the Newtownstewart people to puff their chests with pride when they see a foreigner stopping off to do their business in the toilet”, said TCC spokesperson Audi Pyper. “It’s a state of the art facility with velvet toilet roll, a flush that you hardly hear from the outside and these hand driers that blow air onto your hands. Call me crazy but I can envisage people from as far as Strabane coming here for a rattle at it.”

The Coalisland toilet debacle, May 2012.

The TCC will be keeping a close eye on the lavatory after the failed experiment in Coalisland earlier this year. A £10 million toilet was opened in the East Tyrone town but only one person managed to have a go on it. The celebrations were so wild after the first successful attempt at a flush that hundreds of frenzied locals began ripping the thing apart, in sheer excitement. It was only afterwards, when they looked at the rubble, that they realised what they’d done. Newtownstewart Lord Mayor Mary Murray told us that no such scenes will be repeated on her patch.

“I can assure the public that this toilet will stand the test of time. Anyone who gets too excited after the first successful usage and flush will be shot, no warning. Also, after the first roll of toilet roll is done, users will be asked to provide their own toilet roll or docken leaves. Anyone who blocks the toilet because of an unusually big stool will be banned, permanently.”

Schools in the area have begun an essay competition to see who will have first go on the new toilet, entitled “I’m Right To Have A Shite”.

About Gombeen

Trying hard to make it up.

Posted on September 12, 2012, in Newtownstewart and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Ground*ed Hito

Be the light of your own kind.

Scribbles from me to you

My poetry & prose

Life with Saoirse

The ups, downs, laughter and tears of life in a complex family

Kilbarchan Pipe Band Blog

Registered Charity SC045878

The Media Student's Book Blog

Film and media education


Astral Lucid Music - Philosophy On Life, The Universe And Everything...

In Dianes Kitchen

Recipes showing step by step directions with pictures and a printable recipe card.

Video Games Guide - PS Vita, PS3, Xbox , Wii -

Video Games Guide - PS Vita, PS3, Xbox , Wii


All about nature

Fourteen Lines

A Sonnet Obsession

The Irish Peace Process

Catholic Afterthoughts

Ryan Harper Writing

Short Stories, Poems and Songs and random observations

%d bloggers like this: