A Tyrone County Board member has described today’s generation as ‘snowflakers’ after they were forced to cancel plans to have a cow swallow 8 small snooker balls with numbers on them and wait for her to shite them out to form the senior championship quarter final draw.

Local animal rights activists had promised to chain themselves to the gates at the Garvaghey GAA Centre if the draw went ahead in this fashion. One such member, Aidy McGuckian, explained:

“This idea was totally ridiculous. Cows don’t eat snooker balls. And even if it did, you could be waiting days for her to shite all 8 balls out. This wasn’t well thought out at all.”

A leaked report suggests that a mostly-successful trial run had already been carried out in a field near Pomeroy last week. The only hiccups reported were when the cow shat out 2 balls at the same time, and the cleaning of the balls.

An anonymous County Board member lambasted today’s generation as ‘total snowflakers with no imagination at all’ and hasn’t ruled out carrying out their idea behind closed doors.