Monthly Archives: May 2024
Tyrone GAA To Offer Free Red Diesel And Chocolate To Tyrone Supporters If They Attend Donegal Game
In a bid to boost the poor numbers turning out to support the Red Hands this year, the Tyrone County Board has offered to reward any vehicle passing by Garvaghey on the way to Ballybofey with £50 worth of free diesel as well as a selection of confectionary for the journey including Mars Bars, Marathons and Drifters.
Additionally, the board will send out a convoy of drivers before supporters set out, to spot PSNI or Gardai dippers on all the main roads to the game and warn people on a Facebook page they have set up.
A county board member, who wished to remain anonymous, added:
“We had to do something. In some of the matches this year, the match officials have even outnumbered the Tyrone support. I don’t know what’s up. We had to try something. Hopefully the £50 red diesel will double the fanbase this Saturday. And the chocolate will keep the children happy. Also, if anyone is dipped on a minor road, there is a special number they can call and we’ll be there witin minutes to chase the cops.”
Supporters have been asked to use the code-phrase ‘throw the blanket on the ground‘ as they pass a man in a hi-viz vest in Ballygawley, then pull into the lay-by, where they’ll be filled up and received the food.
Witchcraft On The Rise After Ireland’s Eurovision Entry
Schools in Tyrone have reported that witchery is on the rise in the county after several children were spotted running around on brooms, talking about boiling cats and casting spells on teachers. Educationalists have linked it to Bambi Thug’s Eurovision entry.
Bambi, who used to play camogie for Carrickmore during a holiday there in 2017, has stormed the European scene with their song about the colour blue and Harry Potter. However, young people have been captivated by the witchery of the entry and have started changing their names to Hag McGuinness and Hag O’Neill, for example.
Principal of Ardboe Elementary Prep School, Master Coyle, explained:
“It’s an awful hassle to be honest. We had 14 young girls arriving on brooms last Friday and fitting them into the cloakroom was a nusiance. Then half the brooms were stolen so we had to wait on the owners casting spells on whoever stole them and that took ages too. Then all the cats roaming about wasn’t helpful as they were shitting all over the school. I hope Bambi wins like but this is a handlin.”
One of the teachers has also embraced the new trend, Hag Coney (38), and is currently riding her broom around Moortown.
Omagh Priest Refuses To Have Wagon Wheel Played At Funeral As He’s ‘Sick Of It’
An Omagh priest has sparked a row in the county after he refused the bereaved family’s wishes to have ‘Wagon Wheel’ played during communion as it was ‘the 5th time this month’ according to the church records.
Fr Tony McCabe, a Belfast man who used to sing in a showband before finding God during a trip to Portrush in 1988, has pleaded for families to think of other musical genres at funerals.
“I’m sick to the back teeth of Jolene, Achy Breaky Heart and Friends in Low Places. Every time I hear Wagon Wheel on the wireless I go into full funeral mass mode. It has to stop. Why not try What’s Another Year or Your Song? What’s wrong with Tyrone people?”
Additionally, the top three cremation songs in the county are:
- Take Me Home Country Road
- Go Rest High On That Mountain
- I Drive Your Truck
Tyrone Tribulations 