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Relationship In Jeopardy After ‘Toilet Malfunction’ At Girlfriend’s Parent’s House


A Granville man fears his two-year relationship with his girlfriend may be over after the toilet refused to flush away a substantial article following Sunday lunch last week at her parent’s house on Parkanaur Road in Castlecaulfield.

24 year old Nickey Conway had been invited to have dinner by Nuala Brady with her parents Padraig and Edele and younger brother Martin. Problems began after Conway excused himself to use the facilities shortly after having devoured a third slice of Mrs Brady’s Malteser cheesecake.

 “To be fair, I had had a big feed the night before so I was already sitting on an elephant. As I lowered the keks I knew it wasn’t going to be straightforward” said Conway, a mechanic from Granville. “But by the time my eyes started watering I knew I was it was going to be a right handlin’”.


Mr Brady, unimpressed at the handlin’

Following the seventh unsuccessful flush, an increasingly agitated Conway started looking for equipment to help to send the offending item on its way, and considered at various moments using Mrs Brady’s loofah back-scratcher, Mr Brady’s electric toothbrush, and young Martin’s bottle of Mister Matey.

 “Jaysus, I was panicking. At one stage I was about to fish the buckin’ thing back out with a facecloth and just throw it into the cistern to get rid of it. At least her wee brother might have got the blame”, said Conway doubtfully. “But none of it mattered. To be honest, the only thing that would have helped would have been hitting it over the back with a spade”.

 An embarrassed Nickey returned to the dinner table muttering “I’d leave it a few minutes if I were you” to the Brady family, but the matter was further compounded.

“As if it wasn’t bad enough leaving that big yolk just sitting there in their toilet, the smell had followed me downstairs. They all pretended not to notice but I could see Mrs Brady trying not to gag as she offered round the Hobnobs. Jaysus, it was some job. In more ways than one”.

 Following the incident, Mrs Brady had to be dissuaded by her husband from taking a number of drastic actions because of the stench, which included going to stay with her sister, phoning Rentokil, and at one stage calling Father Moore from St John’s to conduct an exorcism in the bathroom.

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