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10 Men Hospitalised After Maiden Tour Of New Tyrone Whiskey Distillery
Stag reacts to first sip
A stag party’s celebrations ended prematurely after a ‘slight miscalculation’ in the alcohol content of a new whiskey brewed in Pomeroy resulted in all ten party members receiving attention in Enniskillen hospital for ruptured throat and stomach linings after initial feelings of crazed merriment.
‘Sluggan Whiskeys’ owner James O’Kane, who opened his doors to visitors at the weekend, have promised to look into the mistake but also hinted that the men were ‘maybe not hard enough drinkers‘.
Groom-to-be Daithi O’Giles admitted he had grave reservations about the product before the free consumption at the end of the tour:
“I did think it was a bit worrying when they took us to the brewing room and all we saw were four large buckets of barley and a man throwing kettles of hot water over them and mashing it by jumping up and down on them with his wife. Then they threw it into a vat-type thing for three years and hoped for the best.”
Sluggan Whiskeys, whose slogan is ‘The Wacky Brain of Jamesy O’Kane’, have agreed to buy an ABV (alcohol by volume) gauge if their advertisement for a whiskey taster fails to gain any applications after the weekend’s mishap.
“We’ve always had a fair idea of how much alcohol there was in the brew by throwing it at the wall and seeing what damage it does to the paint. Unfortunately those methods seem outdated now and we apologise to the stag lads. But they have to admit they were in great form for the first ten minutes after consumption. Hopefully they’ll take up our offer of a bottle of our first turf-flavoured whiskey in 2018 for the discounted price of £70.”
Sluggan Whiskeys also agreed to review their charging policy after the stag party were each asked for their £20 tour fee as they exited the premises on stretchers.
Marital Strife After Tyrone Husband Swaps Donegal Wife’s All-Ireland Ticket For Bottle Of Jameson
Family and friends have rallied around Mary Ferry (nee O’Donnell) from Killybegs after it emerged her husband exchanged her much sought after All Ireland Final ticket for a bottle of Jameson and three packets of Tayto, all different flavours.
Omagh native and Tyrone fanatic Carl Ferry has been accused of being mean-spirited and insanely jealous by his father-in-law Dan O’Donnell who played full back for Donegal from 1967-1975.
Dan explained:
“Typical Tyrone man. He spent the last ten years blowing and winding about Tyrone this and that. As soon as Donegal enjoy a day or two in the sun he can’t take it. The same man couldn’t hold a glass of water, never mind a bottle of Jameson.”
A clearly irritated O’Donnell added:
“The worst thing is, he’s still going himself with his own ticket. He hates Kerry so who the hell will be be shouting for? Both teams can’t lose.”
Neighbours informed journalists that this is the second time Carl sabotaged his wife’s big day after he drove to the 2012 final between Donegal and Mayo the whole way in first gear, missing the entire game and setting the engine on fire near the River Boyne.
This evening, Mr Ferry defended himself by declaring his action was one of love and dedication. The plumber revealed:
“It’s our wedding anniversary on September 30th and I thought we’d have a blow out with the whiskey and crisps. Some thanks you get from Donegal women. Anyways, I take loads of photos for her and get the program and all. It’ll be alright.”
Mrs Ferry refused to comment when questioned on her doorstep an hour ago. ‘Male screams’ were reported soon after.
Tyrone Tribulations 