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Castlederg Launch Bid To Host Winter Olympics After Another Cold Night. Barra Best To Light Torch.
After another night of sub-zero temperatures, Castlederg has officially launched its bid to host the 2038 Winter Olympics, with the hope that Healy Park will come on board and be used as the centre for skating and curling.
With the thermometer reaching minus six (-6) last night, Castlederg was colder than parts of the Alps around 3am. In recent years, a clatter of sherpas have made their home in Castlederg, such is the demand for guides through the Derg’s more treacherous areas.
Tourism in the area will greatly benefit if they get the decision, especially the deli in the local shop, which comes highly recommended.
Barra Best, who has helped put Castlederg on the world map with his highest and lowest temperatures throughout the year, will be asked to light the opening day torch. If unavailable that day, they are to ask Coolio the rapper or John Lynch.
A statue to Barra is to be discussed if they get the rights for the 2038 gig.
Whole Of Tyrone To Boycott Spuds
39 towns and villages in Tyrone have agreed to boycott potatoes “for the foreseeable future” after thousands of complaints about how they’re being treated in restaurants and cafes across the county since the 1990s. Customers have finally had enough of being offered continental dishes from baked potatoes to potato wedges when all they ask for is a plate of spuds.
Eskra farmer, Mike Kelly (71), explained their annoyance:
“You go out for a feed of spuds and the waiter rhymes off a rake of fancy dishes like roast potatoes or some other la-de-da stuff like that. What does a man have to do to get a slap of pitters? People are watching them food TV shows like Mastermind Chef or Can’t Dine With Me and now think they’re deadly at the cookin. Not a spud will be bought in this county til people get back to basics.”
Ballygawley restaurant owner John Lally admits this is the nuclear option they never anticipated:
“We’re banjaxed now. If we want to get a Michelin Star for our establishments, or even a half decent review in the local paper, we have to offer dishes that outsiders or experts eat like garlic spuds or potato soup. But our bread and butter daily clientele are giving us some savage abuse every day now. Last week our most loyal customer threatened to burn the joint down because we weren’t doing ‘plain spuds on a plate and nothing else’. What a county!”
The first ‘Save Our Spud’ rally takes place on Wednesday night in Galbally with organisers promising ‘a slap of floury balls’ for all attendees.
Meanwhile, the Garvaghey bobsleigh announced they plan to enter the 2018 Winter Olympics and are training flat out up at the new GAA complex which retains a sub-zero temperature 12 months a year.
Tyrone Tribulations 