Some handlin

By Staff Reporter Shengas McGlumphie

A recently discovered book not included in the New Testament bible explains the role a man from Augher played in moving the stone from the tomb of Christ.

Previously known as the Q Hypothesis, the Book of Thomas was recently found by archeologists in Egypt, which unifies the gospels of Matthew, Mark and Luke and explains the striking similarities between the three books, all of which share stories, phrases and even direct quotes with one another.

The transcript reveals 13 verses in Chapter 6 about a man from Ireland who was travelling close to Golgotha at the time of the entombment of Christ:

¹³ A man who was from the place called Augher in the Land of the Sperrins, travelled a long distance from the west. ¹⁴ His name was Eugene, and he had made a great fortune selling pallets.

¹⁵ He passed the tomb of Christ where nine men stood by the stone, looking at it. ¹⁶ He did say unto them ‘Are yous thinking about moveth thon stone?’ And they said unto him ‘Yes’. ¹⁷ And the man who was called Eugene did say back to the nine men, ¹⁸ ‘Deadly. The stone is heavy but I can help yous coup it for a lock of camels’.

¹⁹ And the ten men pushed and heaved and pushed and heaved and there was much wailing and gnashing of teeth, but the stone did not move. ²⁰ So the men stopped and sat and drank tea and ate wheaten and Eugene talked about the evil Clogher and after an hour stood up again. ²¹ Again they pushed and heaved, and they did sweat and toil, loudly shouting ‘Christ Almighty’. And lo the stone did slowly roll away.

²² The men went into the cave with Eugene and he said unto them ‘Red everything out will yiz’ but there was no sign of the Lord, ²³ and the man called Eugene did say ‘This is some handlin’ brethren’. ²⁴ Then he said unto them to go with him to a house of wine where they slaked their thirst with home spirit the man Eugene had made. ²⁵ And there they talked in tongues and drank more spirit and lo they slowly fell to their knees and to the floor where they lay for many hours.

Eugene of Augher’s direct family are to open their family home on the Crossowen Road where people can come and look at the bed he would have slept on if he had been born 2000 years later.