For the fourth year running, the treasurer of the East Tyrone Traditional Music Society has completed his annual report without using any paper or receipts and armed with just a solar powered calculator.

Citing ‘an eco-friendly mindset’, Jody Campbell took just 35 seconds to finish his report concluding with the summation:

“Aye we’re doing alright and there’s plenty of money if anyone needs stuff.”

Musician and all-round sceptic Henry Hanna admits he finds it tough to turn a blind eye to the treasurer’s findings:

”

We spent half of the year fundraising for instruments and all that was purchased were 3 tin whistles and a few horse hairs for my bow. I think we raised the guts of £25’000 and we still had to pay our own way at the weekend’s Fleadh. There’s something fishy about this paperless approach.”

Campbell, who arrived in a 2014 Lamborghini, refused to admit to any financial irregularities:

“People forget about the small things like insurance for instruments and petrol money for attending competitions. Then there’s the sandwiches and tea for the monthly meetings. There’s not much change out of £25’000 after that. But if anyone wants anything there’s money there for fiddle chalk or tin whistle shining cloths.”

Campbell revealed that the paperless approach has cut expenditure by ‘about £1000’ with no printing paper needed or even a computer.