Monthly Archives: August 2015
Coalisland Serial Flasher Blames ‘Bad Pint’
bad pint
A Coalisland plumber, who has been reported for spontaneous flashing in the town over a dozen times since January 2014, has told Omagh Courthouse that a ‘bad pint’ in his local pub usually coincides with his lewd and illegal activities.
Hughie Corr (49), who hasn’t had a drink since his most recent flashing episode on the Main Street last Saturday, has vowed to change his drinking establishment in an attempt to address the recurrent problem. Corr told Judge McCabe
“I can usually tell after three or four sips that it’s a bad pint I’m drinking and that there’s a strong likelihood I’ll be at the flashing later on when I leave the place. I’ve told the bar man a few times now that he needs his pipes cleaned but I’d never want to push it as I’ve a sizeable tab running.”
Judge McCabe has ordered all 12 in the jury, as well as himself, to spend a day drinking in the problem pub to see if there are any legs in Corr’s story:
“I’m well aware that a bad pint can play havoc with a man’s emotions but flashing is on the verge of an unacceptable response to it. We’ll spend the day in the pub and hopefully this social experiment will find this man either guilty or innocent.”
Corr has a previously conviction for damage to a neighbour’s car after blaming a ‘bad steak’ he consumed earlier that day.
Croke Park To Offer 3D Glasses And Earphones To Tyrone/Monaghan Supporters
Crowd watch point scored.
In a bid to boost ailing attendance figures at Croke Park, GAA officials are offering spectators at this weekend’s All-Ireland quarter finals the chance to experience game-play on a different level by providing every supporter with 3D glasses as well as wireless earphones in order to hear the sledging at close quarters.
Figures released confirmed that only 4033 Tyrone fans made their way to Croke Park last weekend for the qualifier clash with Sligo, prompting head-quarter officials to think outside the box in an effort to attract the hordes of Tyronians who descended on Dublin during the last decade.
Head of Sustainability in Croke Park, Aisling Mulcahy, revealed:
“We’re acutely aware that there are around 40’000 Tyrone supporters sitting at home watching the matches on TV who could potentially be here eating corned beef sandwiches and drinking mineral for just £30. So we’ve decided to offer a viewing feast by having players wear 3D strips and spectators will be provided with appropriate glasses. So the next time Sean Cavanagh pulls down Conor McManus, you’ll get the feeling he’s dragging you to the ground. We expect fireworks.”
Mulcahy also revealed that Bluetooth and wireless technology will enable fans to hear everything that’s said on the pitch by purchasing special headsets:
“This is a game changer. If Dick Clerkin is slagging Peter Harte about being ginger or something, you’ll hear every last detail including Harte’s reply which will probably be something about the name ‘Dick’. Certain words will be bleeped out for under 16s using our digital delay contraption.”
Mulcahy stopped short of confirming the possibility of a Gladiator style decision on the referee’s performance at the end of the game with supporters asked to give either a thumbs up or down on the whistling official. The RSPCA warned that the lion might not be satisfied with the man in the middle and may go roaming into the stands.
Glasses will cost £20 and headphones retail at £15. A combo deal can be purchased for £34.99.
Tyrone Tribulations 