PSNI Cutbacks See Cops Use Real Hairdryers And Guessing

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New PSNI recruits

PSNI officials have confirmed that recent budget-tightening constraints have resulted in many officers using ghd Deluxe hairdryers and just guessing how fast cars have been going by counting in their heads how long it took for each motor to get from tree to tree or sometimes a lamp post to a fence.

Chief Inspector Kingsley Warrington admitted they haven’t always managed to get speeding estimates spot-on:

“A woman of 85 was done for doing 105mph in a 1988 Mini near Dungannon and I was immediately suspicious. It emerged that the Officer in question, when counting, sneezed twice and didn’t take that into consideration, marking the pensioner down for completing a quarter of a mile in 4 seconds. We’re looking to tightening this up a bit.”

This police force have come under further criticism when a male member of the Service was seen drying his hair with their new make-shift speed camera after a torrential downpour. Also, many tax payers maintain cheaper hairdryers could easily be purchased from Argos or Tesco. CI Warrington responded:

“I don’t think we’d be taken seriously if we were seen brandishing a Lidl hairdryer. The ghd brand are respected across the planet and if someone is done for speeding, they’re more likely to accept the charge when they see the new ghd aura® hairdryer for speedy ultimate root-lifting volume & super smooth shine. With two breakthrough innovations in technology, ghd aura offers a truly new drying and styling experience that delivers the ultimate in luxurious volume and a smooth, shiny finish. And 6 penalty points.”

PSNI officials have denied they’re to commence a new cost-cutting breathalyser initiative which sees officers sniffing the breath of suspect drink drivers and guessing how many pints they’ve had and then getting them to sing ‘I Will Survive’ into a karaoke machine.

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About Gombeen

Trying hard to make it up.

Posted on February 12, 2016, in Dungannon and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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