EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW PART TWO: Confessions of a Red Diesel Addict

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In our two-part series, one of our journalists, Aughoughilley Schniffles, has been granted an exclusive interview with a red diesel addict (RDA) from East Tyrone. The RDA put his hand over his mouth to conceal his voice, even though we were looking at him.

Readers should be warned that the following question and answer session may be distressing:

PART 2:

TT: AT WHAT STAGE DID YOU REALISE YOU NEEDED HELP?

RDA: Well, I was finding it hard to get a stiffer kick that I got from dodging the cops whilst on the red. But you always look for something more. It got to the stage that I was sitting outside Willie Frazer’s house at midnight, just staring at it, for the buzz. Just looking at the front door, like. But that’s the road to nowhere.

TT: AND DID YOU SEEK HELP THEN?

RDA: Shortly after, yes. After the Tamnamore Roundabout ordeal, I kept having mad flashbacks at night and running around and around the bed, going nee-naw nee-naw and driving the wife pure mad. I’m clean now though, but it’s a one day at a time scenario.

TT: DO YOU MISS IT?

Honestly, yes. Nothing made me happier than seeing that wee plume of black smoke in the rear view mirror when I give her the wellie. The car loved it… making a wee purring noise. Or maybe that was because I drilled holes in the exhaust of the Corsa. Either way, it is hard not to pine for the good old days.

TT: AND WHAT ABOUT THE FUTURE?

I have lapsed the odd time and have found myself on my knees sniffing my uncle’s exhaust when he visits on a Saturday night. I dabbled in cooking oil for a while but it wasn’t the same. I’m still clean and just do the cigarette run on the normal diesel. The family are happier and I can take the children to lamping weekends and stuff. It’s all good.

IF ANYONE IS AFFECTED BY RED DIESEL ADDICTION, YOU CAN SEEK HELP BY TALKING, BUT NOT TIL THE COPS. 

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About Gombeen

Trying hard to make it up.

Posted on September 28, 2016, in GAA and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. Dear mr. Gobeen , editor general if Tyrone tribulations, did you ever think of creating a book out of all your inspirations? I’m sure big publishers like maybe Veritas would consider it? And all your devoted readers, would put in a penny or two to help you along . I would anyway and do would my devoted daughter in Norway . Think about it .🌞🌙🌝🌚🌚🌚

    Liked by 1 person

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