Leaked Sky Projection 2020

A plan to colonise Ireland by Sky Sports has been unearthed by a junior reporter for the Tyrone Tribs after two prominent presenters left behind vital documents during a visit to the Tyrone GAA centre in Garvaghey.

Jeff Sterling and Chris Kamara, linchpins of Sky Sports Soccer Saturday, arrived at the Ballygawley venue supposedly to find out more about GAA in the county for their coverage of the games on satellite TV.

However, it has emerged that, with the help of Peter Canavan, it was the first shots in a planned conquest of the country by the Murdochs on a par with Cromwell in the 1650s.

The document described how Sky plan to:

• Disable RTE feeds in every county
• Launch a brutal smear campaign on Michael Lyster and Des Cahill
• Proclaim Peter Canavan ‘God’ of not just Tyrone but of England, Wales and Scotland
• Free installation of Sky in Nursing Homes
• War

GAA fanatic and RTE fan Harry Devlin from Glenelly admitted he was shocked but not surprised at the findings:

“That Murdoch lad is a ruthless bollocks. I’m disappointed at Canavan, although some said they he has his classes in Cookstown humming the Sky Soccer Saturday theme tune instead of their traditional school song ‘Baggy Trousers’.”

Croke Park have asked for volunteers to mobilise next Saturday at Parnell Park and head towards Sky’s HQ in Dublin 4.