Proposed Gigantic Mirror Will Dissect Omagh To Hide Unsightly Empty Spaces Due To School Merger
By West Tyrone Reporter Lee Turavod
Omagh District Council have unveiled their staggering new initiative to tackle the issue of empty, desolate spaces all around the town as seventeen of its schools relocate to the new Strule-Lisanelly-Gortin Road-Army Camp location/social experiment facility.
Senior Councilwoman Bridgeen-og MacNeillis- Carruthers announced this morning in her highly anticipated news conference that a gigantic mirror will be constructed that will dissect Omagh from the Folk Park to the Meat Factory. Carruthers outlined how this new mirror will allow the people of Omagh to continue living blissfully within the town’s environs without having to worry about all those boarded up buildings and empty spaces.
“the mirror will reflect everything so there will be two of all the things that are already there…meaning no one will even notice or worry about those empty spaces”
She also stated
“as there will now be two of everything – like Lidls and The Carlisle Book Shop, traffic will be far quieter and no one will ever again get stuck in Campsie for 11 hours when they were just popping out to buy an angle-grinder or a new set of Scholl in-soles.”
When pressed as to how the council came up with this plan, Bridgeen-Og admitted that the simultaneous opening of two Mexican eateries last year provided the inspiration:
“…even though one of them had to be closed down because it refused to sell chips”.
The Councilwoman also stressed that:
“We already have one cinema and another one going up and we’re planning to reopen the original hospital on the Hospital Road too – so this will limit how much strain is put on the actual mirror”.
On covering the estimated 90 Million pounds mirror construction, maintenance and revolutionary early warning system to stop people walking into it, Carruthers assured those still listening:
“We’ll all have to tighten our belts because we know this is the best possible solution and everyone I’ve spoken to seems happy to do their bit”.
Construction begins after the first hard frost but not before the clocks go back.