Acting the lig in Stewartstown in 1969

Calls for stiffer GCSEs have more than trebled today after the first cohort of students studying ‘Acting The Lig’ all passed with A* grades. 

The new Acting The Lig course, which saw two practical exams where pupils had to stand in the corner of the The Square in Stewartstown lighting illegal French crackers and giving passers-by the fingers whilst sipping from small bottles of Buckfast, will offer students the chance now to head off to other towns now to gaunch about in style.

Despite their success, the general public have asked questions as to the appropriate difficulty of such courses. Padraig Logan, who passed an O Level in 1977 in ‘Cement Mixing’ maintains today’s generation aren’t really tested:

“Acting the lig in the 1970s was much more difficult back then. We were goading men with rifles and tacklin women from Lissan. These days a lig just gives the middle finger to oul women driving cars. Where’s the danger in that?”

Examination board CCEA have defended the course, adding that the question papers were set by some of the biggest ligs in the country, including several MLAs. One such question asked pupils ‘What is the best way to greet someone from Cookstown who may have mistakenly strayed from their ghetto?’ The two points were award if a candidate referred to ‘threatening to kick their bollocks in’.