Stockpiling Of Fig Rolls In Fintona Still A Mystery Says Scientists

A pile of fig bars. Focus is on front cookie.Over 8000 packets of fig rolls have now been purchased in the greater Fintona area since the outbreak of the Coronavirus, with scientists at a loss to explain why the Fintonese people are stockpiling on the controversial biscuit. 

Despite remaining tight-lipped about the reason behind their spending habits, many from the village have brazenly traveled as far as Fivemiletown in order to top up their fig roll provisions.

Professor Kitty Kilmore remains perplexed by the pattern:

“We’ve looked at this from every angle but cannot find a reason why the Fintonese people feel the need to stockpile fig rolls in case of a emergency. Water and bread I understand but this fig roll obsession has us stumped. We’d love to know what this signals.”

Despite persistent emails and phone calls, Fintona Lord Mayor Freddie McCann refused to comment on their rationale and just kept winking and pointing at his nose when asked.

One explanation currently being considered is a misunderstanding by the local finona people. When asked at a Mid-Ulster conference as to which foods to stock up on if a national emergency was announced, an irate Health Minister Noel Pattyson simply replied, ‘frig all’.

About Gombeen

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Posted on March 13, 2020, in Fintona, Fivemiletown and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. any connection between the syrup of figs in fig rolls and the loo roll buying bonanza?

    Liked by 1 person

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