Monthly Archives: March 2025
Trump’s Whatsapp Leak Confirms White House Views On 2025 GAA Championship. Musk Thinks McCurry ‘Past It’.
We can reveal that Tyrone Tribulations was mistakenly added to a White House Whatsapp group called ‘GAA Championship 2025’, revealing some surprising views held by the US government top brass.
In a comment that is sure to irk the Edendork community, Elon Musk thought Tyrone had a good chance to ‘play in the high sun’ but also commented on Darren McCurry’s age. Calling him ‘The Dazz’, Musk said he worried about the mileage on McCurry’s legs when the ground gets firmer this summer. ‘The Dazz might be past it, lads, especially in the heat of Clones’ to which Trump himself gave a thumbs-up emoji.
Vice President JD Vance went further into the intricacies of club football but also blundered when he said ‘Clonoe could take the O’Neill Cup the year’, despite Clonoe playing in Division Two in 2025. He was immediately rebuked by U.S. national security advisor Michael Waltz who wrote ‘stop talking bollocks ye wee wanker’ followed by 5 laughing emojis.
Trump, an avid Armagh supporter, put up three orange faces and wrote ‘up the apple men’ but also added he’s $500 on Darragh Canavan as top scorer and Donegal to take Sam.
Tyrone Tribulations left the group.
Tyrone GAA Offer Cookstown To Dublin In Exchange For 2 Points This Sunday
It has emerged that Dublin GAA have convened an emergency meeting tonight with Dessie Farrell to discuss the offer of annexing Cookstown for 100 years in exchange for 2 NFL points this Sunday.
Current debating issues surround the promise of multiple Floozies in Jacuzzis in Cookstown, and something to resemble the big spike in the middle of Dublin. Although there currently isn’t a big spike in the town at the moment, a farmer from nearby Tullyhogue has indicated he can build a 200-foot pole made from recycled tins and stuff.
Dublin officials are seemingly won over by the fact that Cookstown plays in blue, possesses a swagger, and in Owen Mulligan has a son who looks like someone who could have played for Dublin.
Although Tyrone are not guaranteed to stay up with two points, losing Cookstown is a gamble they’re prepared to take according to an insider:
“Let’s be honest. Cookstown is a sort of city anyway, what with all the discos and markets. And loads of the young lads walk around with bleached hair and their collars up. It’s a no-brainer.”
A sticking point appears to be Mugsy’s goal in 2005 which the Dubs want revoked.
GAA Add Another New Rule Before Championship – Protestant Players Or Vicars Can’t Score Goals. Atheists Might Be Next.
In a move that will further annoy managers up and down the country, the GAA has revealed its final rule change before the Championship starts: Protestant GAA players or vicars are not allowed to score goals, and must either score a point or pass the ball if they are clean through on goal. If successful, atheists might be added to the rule before the knockout stage.
The new rule, the fifteenth to be tried out this year, will mean all players must declare their faith before the Championship starts, with severe penalties being forced upon counties if they flout the rule.
A prominent GAA Rule Committee member, Trevor Sharkey, warned managers:
“We’ve a fair idea who the Protestant players are, even just by the look of them. We have decided to introduce this rule to add more chaos and jeopardy to the game and everyone wants that, don’t they. For now, atheists can score goals but that might not be the case in June. We shall see.”
County Down are to challenge the new rule tomorrow night, complaining that it’s hard enough for them to score goals as it is.
Trump Eyes Up Football Special & Maine Company As Ulster Says Keep Away From Our Minerals
Donald Trump has been urged to leave Ulster’s minerals alone after annexing the minerals in Ukraine through an 11th-hour deal with President Zelensky. Donegal’s Football Special, one of the nicest minerals in the nine counties, have declared they will not be handing over any minerals to the Yanks no matter what deal is made between Trump and the Irish government.
Although Trump has yet to mention Ulster’s minerals, Maine from County Antrim are adamant that they will not budge from their Ballymoney base and will turn to arms if need be:
“Listen, we’re not adverse to orange men out here in Ballymoney but that Orange bastid won’t be getting his mitts on our drinks, including the Football Special.”
Meanwhile, Tyrone GAA have warned their supporters to put emergency plans in place already because of the probability of Armagh doing 2-in-a-row.
Tyrone Tribulations 